Example of a Civil Ceremony

Paul and Connie got married in June 2011. They did not have a church wedding, opting instead for a civil service in a registry office with no ceremony or celebrations; these came a few days later when they organised a ceremony and party in the grounds of Kippure Estate, Blessington, Co. Wicklow, just a few miles from their home. The bride got ready for the ceremony in her house. Their wedding ceremony combined both secular and spiritual or symbolic elements, although both Paul and Connie would consider themselves atheist. The service was conducted by Dara Molloy, a former Catholic priest who now describes himself as a Celtic priest and monk. Molloy says that he “belongs to the Celtic spiritual tradition but not to any formal church, sect, or cult”. Molloy performs both sacred and secular wedding ceremonies.

They “very briefly” considered a religious ceremony due to the church’s location close to their home and for their parents, but decided against it. “We wanted it to be legal which is why we did it in the registry office, but we also wanted some kind of ceremony for family and friends,” says Connie.

Paul and Connie were both keen to have a syncretic ceremony, combining different beliefs and traditions with innovative elements. So, for instance, one part of the ceremony saw their hands bound together with rope, symbolising their union; this is an old custom, formerly practiced in parts of Scotland as well as in Ireland, which fell out of use but is becoming a popular tradition in civil or secular wedding ceremonies today, both among neopagan and secular people. Another part of the ceremony contained readings; instead of Biblical verse, they chose secular poems. The ceremony was conducted outdoors on a summer’s day to the backdrop of the Wicklow Mountains and the alter was surrounded by children playing together.

As with any wedding reception, certain traditions were central.

“It’s hard to do something different for a wedding in Ireland,” says Connie. “There aren’t always alternatives. We needed somewhere for a party, we needed to feed people, and we wanted music and celebration.”

Whether a wedding ceremony is religious or traditional, most wedding receptions follow a similar pattern, which is dictated to a large extent by tradition. As with almost all weddings, the bride and groom dressed up. A florist provided flowers. Friends were asked to play music, bake a wedding cake, or give a reading. Another friend was asked to take photos. There was a best man, there were bridesmaids, and there were speeches. The bride wore something old, something new, and something borrowed, but forgot her something blue. Despite having lived together for over ten years and having a child, they spent the night before the wedding in separate houses –this was partially for practical reasons, such as getting a good night’s sleep, so the parties were not getting ready in the same house, but also a nod to tradition.

As with any wedding, certain other traditions were jettisoned. The bride and groom saw one another’s wedding clothes before the big day. The bouquet was not thrown, although many brides now ignore the tradition of throwing the bouquet.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that many same-sex civil partnership ceremonies follow similar traditional patterns.